Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Movie/Transcript
Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Movie The Big One Cast (In order of appearance): Yugi , Yami , Grandpa (Well he doesn't really appear) , Kaiba , Pegasus , Mokuba Date: June 18, 2007 Running Time: 9:42 + 7:10 + Episode Title: YGO: Abridged Movie Transcript Part 1 Intro following words appear on screen Abridged (uh-brid'd) v. 1. To shorten by omissions while retaining the basic contents. 2. To reduce or lessen in duration. Yu-Gi-Oh! (yŭgiô) n. 1. Japanese phrase meaning "Game King". 2. Popular children's card game played by adults. 3. Animé series based on a children's card game played by adults. appears NARRATOR: Thousands of years ago people were very bored because card games hadn't been invented yet. So in order to pass the time they started killing each other with magical powers. Then one day, a nameless Egyption pharoah with ridiculous hair decided to lock the magic away so that it's evil could never fall into the wrong hands. And so, the people of Egypt were forced to spend their time building pyramids which, ironically, was just as tedious as playing card games. Game shop -Yugi's room YUGI: (Thinking) I'm Yugi Moto. I'm 15 years old and I still haven't gone through puberty, so I'm always getting picked on at school and girls refuse to go out with me. But once I complete this Millenium Puzzle, I'll use it's dark powers to get my revenge. Desert landscape NARRATOR: Meanwhile, thousands of miles away. DISCOVERER 1: We've discovered the lost tomb of Anubis! This is the archaeological find of the century! We'll be rich and famous, just so long as we're not killed unexpectedly before the opening credits. Game shop YUGI: (Thinking) Man, this puzzle is surprisingly difficult. Seriously, this thing is harder to solve than Myst! But it looks like I only have one piece left. Tomb Door shuts DISCOVERER 2: Oh no, we're trapped! DISCOVERER 1: Quick! Let's start drinking our own urine! DISCOVERER 2: Shouldn't we just wait for help or... DISCOVERER 1: (Interrupts) Shut up and drink your own urine! Game shop YUGI: I've done it! This is super special awesome! Egypt PERSON 1: The pyramid's collapsing! And I had such a full life ahead of me! PERSON 2: (Girl-like voice) Run away! Run away! PERSON 3: This is the worst honeymoon ever!! Game shop YUGI: (Thinking) Oh my God! Such visions of horror! Such unimaginable evil! And what's that?! Oh it's just Kuriboh. Ahh! *He-Man music plays in background* YUGI: By the power of Greyskull! *Transforms* YAMI: I have the power! *Kuriboh dives at him* Get your hairy balls out of my face! Mind Crush! In stereo! YUGI: Phew! I'm glad that's over with. Knock knock. GRANDPA: (Off screen) Yugi! Are you staying to summon the forces of darkness in your room again? YUGI: No Gramps! New scene ANNOUNCER: You're watching the card game channel! Tonight we're airing a special 24-hour marathon of Yu-Gi-Oh! episodes - all of them censored for your viewing pleasure! MAI: My breasts are too big for this movie. ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned for the next episode in which one character plays a card game with another character. I can just smell the ratings. BEEFY MAN: This show sucks! It completely mis-represents the Yu-Gi-Oh! card game. GEEKY BOY: I'm going to complain about it on my LiveJournal. NARRATOR: Meanwhile, thousands of miles away... YAMI: Behold! I had conveniently summoned all 3 Egyptian God Cards! Now Kaiba, you're about to feel the wrath of my pointy hair! KAIBA: Your pointy hair is no match for my coat-tails of doom. YAMI: (Recoils) Ernn! KAIBA: Now I activate Polymerization in order to summon the Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon. *Jumps onto it's head* Wheeee. Now, Yugi, prepare to suffer defeat at the hands of my - YAMI: (Far-away and echo-y) I can't hear you. KAIBA: What? YAMI: I said, I can't hear you. Come back down! You look really silly up there! KAIBA: I don't understand what you're saying. I think I might be too high up. YAMI: Look, when you're up there I can't make out what yo- KAIBA: Does this help? YAMI: Oh a split-screen. Yeah that's much better. Now I'm going to sacrifice two of my Egyptian God Cards to give Obelisk the Tormentor unlimited attack strength. A sound clip of Darth Sidious using his Force Lightning plays while Obelisk is being powered up YAMI: *Jumps down* Whee! Now, Kaiba! open wide and suck on my Obelisk! KAIBA: Even though there's no chance of success, I'm going to defy logic and attack you anyway. YAMI: Not so fast, Kaiba! Obelisk - show him what true power is all about! Attack with Fist of Fury! VOICES (Suspiciously like Joey and Tristan): Torrrrmeeennntt! KAIBA: No! My dragon! Wait - shouldn't I be falling? Ah! Screen whites out and comes back like a computer screen cracking. 'System Error' is repeated in the background TECHNICIAN 1: The system is malfunctioning! It seems your ego was too large for the computer to simulate, Sir. KAIBA: You guys are so fired. TECHNICIAN 2: Please, Sir! Just give us another chance! KAIBA: No. From now on you can babysit Mokuba. And by the way, he's isn't potty-trained yet. TECHNICIAN 1: But, Sir! We've spent so much money on this project! KAIBA: Screw the money I have rules - wait let me try that again. Pegasus's Castle NARRATOR: Meanwhile, thousands of miles away. PEGASUS: (Snores) Ooohh! Invisible being puts card in box which then cuts to Pegasus' dream in a desert. PEGASUS: Oohh It's my favourite dream when I'm starring in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert! Wait a minute - that's not Hugo Weaving! ''*Wakes up* Ahahh! what an un-fabulous dream! that Blue Pyramid, it looked so...so...tacky! I haven't felt this bad since the Spice Girls split up. The Spice Girls - "Viva Forever" plays Game shop GRANDPA: *Reading Newspaper* I'm checking the obituaries to see if I've died yet! Ohh! It seems a team of archaeologists found an ancient Egyptian artifact, and then the were all killed. Those lucky bastards, when is it going to be my turn, dammit? AIR CONTROL MAN 1: Launch system initiated! (Snickering) Blue-eyes... White Dragon jet. you are cleared for take off. Heh-heh! I'm sorry I can't help it, it just looks so stupid! KAIBA: (Annoyed) Hmm... MOKUBA: Big brother, can I be in the movie too? KAIBA: Shut up, Mokuba. "Rocket Man" by Elton John plays whilst Kaiba flies his jet Pegasus' Pool PEGASUS: Mmm. Well if it isn't my old friend, Kaiba-boy. KAIBA: Spare me the pleseantries, Pegasus. We were never friends. PEGASUS: Sounds like someone needs a hug. KAIBA: (Quickly) I'm not a very huggy person. PEGASUS: Then how about a massage? KAIBA: No. I'm fine really. PEGASUS: What about a kiss? KAIBA: Are you flirting with me? PEGASUS: Whatever gave you that idea? KAIBA: You just seem kinda forward. PEGASUS: Hm. Really, Kaiba-Boy, you say the silliest things! Now how about I smother you naked body in cream and lick it off. KAIBA: There! you just did it, again! PEGASUS: Do what? KAIBA: Nevermind. I'm here because I need to be able to defeat Yugi's God Cards and since you created them I figured you'd know how to do it. PEGASUS: Well, yes. I do have one card that can defeat the Gods. But I don't think you deserve it. Afterall Yugi-Boy has thrashed you soo many times... KAIBA: In that case you should have no trouble defeating me in a duel. And if you win I'll give you my three Blue-eyes White Dragons. PEGASUS: Then it's a date! KAIBA: Look - I'm not going out with you. PEGASUS: *Shakes head* It's a figure of speech! Now let's go make sweet monkey love. KAIBA: What? PEGASUS: I mean play a children's card game. KAIBA: (Annoyed) Hmm... School NARRATOR: Meanwhile, thousands of miles away. YAMI: Man, school was awesome today! I only got beat up twice! JOEY: Yeah, sorry about that, Yug. TRISTAN: Hey, look! There's a bunch of duelists blocking our path! YUGI: *Jumps to see* Erk! Joey get your butt outta my face! JOEY: Yeah, that's what she said! PERSON 1: Hey - it's that little freak! YUGI: Huh? PERSON 1: He's the star of that crappy Yu-Gi-Oh! cartoon! Get him! YUGI: Oh, Poopy! KID: *Struggling to be held back* Your show is awful! The animation sucks! GEEKY BOY: And what's more, you guys don't even know how to play the Yu-Gi-Oh! card game properly! YUGI: It's not my fault! Blame the writing staff, not me! TRISTAN: They kinda have a point you know! Our show does kinda suck, I mean, I never even do anything in it! JOEY: And they gave me this lousy brooklyn accent. Meaeh! TÉA: Joey, you take care of these dorks. I'm gonna get Yugi to a safe bedroom...I mean hiding place. *Drags Yugi away* Come on, Shortstuff. YUGI: Are you taking me to a carnival? TÉA: Oh, it'll be a carnival alright. Curses! We can't go that way! We need to hide somewhere where no one else would ever consider going, even if their lives depended on it! Of course! The museum! YUGI: Um.. Téa. You can let go now. PEGASUS & KAIBA: Let's duel! PEGASUS: I activate the fanservice card. *Toon magician girl among them*' KAIBA: You took the hottest duel monster in the game and turned it into a 5-year-old girl. You have issues, man, serious issues. PEGASUS: Oh! This coming from a guy who flies around in a jet shaped like a dragon. KAIBA: That does it, you are so dead. I summon XYZ-Dragon Cannon. ''Music from "Transformers" plays Tranformers More than meets the eye Autobots wage their battle to destroy the evil forces of the decepticons PEGASUS: *gets flung backwards* Oh the pain! KAIBA: I still got it. Now to take my prize. Wait a minute there's two cards here. PEGASUS: But there should only be one. Kaiba, listen to me! You could be in serious danger! KAIBA: (Interupts) I don't believe you. Bye now. *Walks away* PEGASUS: Kaiba-Boy, wait! KAIBA: I'm not listening! Lalalalala, is somebody talking because I can't hear them - Lalala- End of Part 1 Part 2